Through Him

Hey Soul Sisters,
here is the second post by our own, Melissa Blake.
With Valentine's Day on the horizon, I set out writing this blog wanting to talk about love. I had visions of conversation hearts and flower arrangements with inflated prices in my head. Then my world was turned upside down instead. This blog will be going in a different direction. To the romantic, I'm sorry.

During a Professional Development Day, I was walking on air. I had an ADORABLE new outfit on and I got to wear jeans. The jeans factor makes my day infinitely better. Some people prefer sweatpants. Not I. I look forward to jeans day at school about as much as Spring Break. Ok...not really but I needed to be a little dramatic for you to truly understand. I was sitting with close friends, pretending to collaborate...really? Grading. I got a text. It was from my Lauren. (see: best friend ever...coolest girl I know...the person I go to for EVERY success and EVERY defeat...yeah, her) The message said, “Hey any chance I could see you today?” This didn't have deep meaning to me instantly. It was when I said, “Possibly. What's up?” and just got the following reply, “What do you have going on?” A question...not an answer...that I felt panic run through my entire body. THIS is what 17 years of friendship will do to you. I tried to get more information out of her. Called her. No answer. Sent a text to her husband who basically just told me, “Get there. Promise her you'll go to her.” I walked back into the room with my coworkers (friends). They saw the panic. I had hives and I was shaking.

I was finally able to leave. I had felt every second of that half hour of waiting. I walked up to her porch. She opened the door and fell into my arms, sobbing. I asked her what was wrong. Finally, she came out with it. She had cancer. Not just any cancer. Colon cancer. My husband's mom was diagnosed with this. My husband's mom lives only in our hearts now. I literally tried to cry for about 3 seconds and couldn't. What was WRONG with me? This is not how the best friend is supposed to react. I calmly talked things out with Lauren. I asked about next steps. Consoled her that we would get through this. I knew we would. I didn't figure out, until recently, why I was so calm. (I'll get to that part.) I got into my car and broke down. Got to my mom's house after collecting myself and broke down again. Seriously...waterfalls of emotion. I freaked my momma out AND my daughter. I couldn't catch my breath. Mom practically shook me, asking what was wrong. I finally choked out the word, “Lauren.” This didn't help. Another minute or som went by. Now everyone was freaked out. Finally, I said the words, “She has cancer.” It was real now. Lots of tears followed. My husband picked up the pieces nicely.

Days passed. Lauren went to her doctor. He told her  that she would need surgery to remove the tumor and scheduled a consult for the following day. That following day, I saw a missed call from her at basketball practice and went to the hall to call her back. She answered in a happy voice, but after telling me she would be having surgery the next day, I could hear the fear in her voice. This was a good thing, and I told her too. I told her I wanted to be there the whole day, both for her and her husband, a truly wonderful man, who I knew would need support as his wife went into surgery. She said something to the effect of “Of course, I want you there.”

Since the unveiling of this paralyzing news, I sent Lauren a quote for each day. On the day of surgery, I found my own quote. Dang...I needed one. I decided on a Bible verse. “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” -2 Corinthians 1:4 This was perfectly fitting and is currently in the running as my life verse. This epitomizes how I want to be viewed in life. I want to be the strong one...especially for my friends. My goal on surgery day was to comfort...not cry. I came super close after she came out of surgery to breaking this promise to myself but held on. Phil needed comfort. Lauren's mom needed it. Everyone else in that waiting room (of which there were 8 in total) needed a positive word and a smiling face.

There were many prayers in that waiting room. I could literally feel a protective dome throughout the day. The feeling started in the prep room while I sat with Lauren and Phil, waiting for them to wheel her off. I cracked jokes about everything I could think of. This was after the nurse rudely told me to throw out my coffee. (I don't think she understood what she was doing and I'm still bitter towards her.) I felt it as I hugged Phil when they DID wheel her off. The prayers were wrapped around us both while it felt like our lives were falling apart. I sat in the waiting room with their families and felt the prayers there. I've long since felt to be a part of this family. They knew me in the awkward stages of adolescence and still love me. That's family.

By the time she was out of surgery and I had hugged her as much as one can when hugging someone in a hospital bed, and kissed her on the head a few dozen times, I decided it was time to go. I had done what I set out to do and I had only called out to God (literally, audibly) once. “Lord, keep giving me strength. #pleaseandthankyou”

On the long drive home, I thought about the day and the past few days. I asked myself...how on earth did I get through that and stay, ultimately, so dang positive.? How did I have the strength to put on a happy face and provide comfort for Lauren's family? The answer was clear. This whole time...I had simply trusted in God. I gave all the worry..all the tears...all the pain to him and, even subconsciously, I knew I could do that. “He's got this.”

Sometimes I question my faith. I wonder if I really follow God like I'm supposed to. I worry that I don't pray enough...that I don't thank Him enough...that I don't rely on Him enough. And I don't. The kicker is... I have faith in Him, always, to get me through the hard parts by giving me the comfort that I need. Right this very moment on this very page.. I give thanks that he gives me strength every day so that I, in turn, may comfort those who need it...through Him of course. :)