I thought I would share a little about my life with you ladies today. I know I don't know many of you very well, and if you know me as well as I know you, well...that's just not good enough! : ) So, here goes.
I was born in Texas in 1980 to a Mexican-American family. My father is a pastor and my mother is the daughter of foreign missionaries. I think being in the ministry runs in my blood- if such a thing were possible! I wish I could say that my childhood was happy and easy, but it wasn't. My dad was gone a lot and my mom always seemed weary and reserved. My mom's degree was in secondary education, but after being a stay at home mom for fourteen years, she decided to go back to college and get her nursing degree. This profoundly affected me because much of her domestic load fell to me. Suddenly, I was cooking, cleaning, and washing more than I had ever been expected to do before. I was often responsible for my younger brother and sister. For different reasons, I felt like I could never do enough. Everyday, I remember thinking, "If I just try harder, I'll be able to get it all done. If I just try harder, I'll be able to do a better job." But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't seem to do enough.
When my senior year of high school came around, I decided to attend John Brown University in Siloam Springs, AR where I double majored in piano and vocal performance. That's where Harry came into the picture. He was my first boyfriend! I had always been very focused on my studies and my music, but Harry showed me how fun just hanging out could be. But then something really interesting happened, as we got more involved I found myself facing an identity crisis. I had always thought I would be a missionary because I viewed this as the highest sacrifice a Christian could make. Maybe deep down inside I thought that then I would finally be good enough. But Harry wasn't interested in missions the way I was. But I was interested in him! In a way, I felt like I was choosing Harry over God. This wasn't true, of course, but I couldn't get past this idea in my mind. This crisis and some other situations triggered a deep depression in my life. For almost four years I hardly knew which way was up. Harry stood by me the whole time. There were times when I just wanted to give up. I felt abandoned by God; I remember wishing I could walk away from Christianity and never look back. After Brisa was born I learned that there was a psychological component to my depression and I went on anti-depressants and started going to counseling. I slowly started to come out of my depression. It has been a few years now since I last struggled with depression, and I am so happy to say that I feel like myself again. I'm not the same, but I'm still me- a better me.
I don't think I can really condense my life story and purpose into three paragraphs, but I will say this. The most important thing I've learned is that I don't have to earn God's love. I will never be able to gain God's favor based on the things I do, no matter how wonderful, or sacrificial they may seem. I will never be good enough to win His acceptance. And that is so freeing! Because now I see that instead of struggling to be "good enough,"I can rest on Jesus' work. Jesus is "good enough." He is so much more than "good enough!" He is perfection! I am so glad that God accepts Jesus' life and Jesus' work on my behalf!
Ladies, I will leave you with a question. Can you think of ways that you still try to earn God's love? Romans 5:1 reminds us, "Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." Just to give you a fresh perspective on this verse, I would like to also give it to you in a different version- The Message. Check this out.
"By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us- set us right with Him, make us fit for Him- we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all. We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that He has already thrown open His door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand- out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory standing tall and shouting His praise."
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